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Meet Your Five Miami Sports Turkeys of the Year

by / 0 Comments / 0 View / November 22, 2018

This is a time to give thanks and acknowledge all the good people and things for which you are truly grateful. Thanksgiving is a happy day when everyone comes together to feast. Nobody hates it. It’s almost impossible to be negative on a day all about food, family, and watching football.

Almost impossible. It’s not completely unheard-of to gripe on Thanksgiving. Some things made Miami sports fans so angry this year that we simply must take a moment to name the biggest “turkeys” from 2018 in South Florida sports.

Here are the South Florida sports turd-duckens we’re not inviting to our table.

Meet Your Five Miami Sports Turkeys of the Year

Courtesy of University of Miami Athletics Department

1. Mark Richt. We’re not gonna lie — this one pains us. Richt saved the University of Miami from the depths of hell that was the Al Golden era. On his watch, Miami has gained back some of the college football clout the program had lost. That said, he has really shit the bed this year.

Let’s put it this way: If Mark Richt was up $500 at Casino University of Miami after his first two seasons, he’s down now. Profits have been erased. From his horrid play-calling to his amateurish handling of the Hurricanes quarterback situation and his losses on the recruiting trail this year, Richt probably wants this season to end even more than Canes fans.

The win last weekend over Virginia Tech means the Canes are eligible to play in a bowl game this year. So the season will likely finish in some uber-exciting place like Mississippi or Shreveport, Louisiana. To be honest, after this season, Richt deserves that vacation and all the trips to Applebee’s that come with it.

Meet Your Five Miami Sports Turkeys of the Year

Photo by Tim Brogdon / Miami Athletics

2. The new turnover chain. The original “U” turnover chain was working. It was gaudy, yet envied. It was in your face, yet simplified greatness. It was clear what team it represented. It was perfect.

So, of course, the Hurricanes scrapped the thing. Because why keep the original around when you can change everything up and sell a million new T-shirts for $29.99?

The new turnover chain has been a dud. The team sees it less often and it’s less exciting. The Ibis incarnation of the neck ornament makes it seem the old turnover chain got full of itself, scored a big contract, and now isn’t the same player it was. Basically, the turnover chain is the entire Heat roster.

Speaking of which…

Meet Your Five Miami Sports Turkeys of the Year

Photo by George Martinez

3. Pat Riley. Yes, Pat Riley! This is a Turkeys of 2018 list, not a lifetime achievement of nonturkey-tendencies award! Don’t get all in your feelings about Pat Riley appearing here. Everyone is on the same page with him being on the Mount Rushmore of Miami sports figures. Few have or will ever achieve what he has in Miami.

OK. Now that the niceties are out of the way, we can talk about how his current roster is a dumpster fire floating on ocean trash. Hey, if you’re going to give Pat Riley all the credit for the past, you have to recognize awarding a roster full of role players millions of dollars is a hell of a stupid thing to do. Those are the breaks.

Pat Riley is a Miami sports God. He’s also really screwed the pooch since LeBron left. Sometimes people we love make mistakes and we call them turkeys. It doesn’t mean we don’t love them.

Meet Your Five Miami Sports Turkeys of the Year

Photo by Keith Allison

4. Dion Waiters. Yes, Dion Waiters is injured. No, we’re not giving him a pass. Not when he’s had the same injury for two seasons. And not when he had said injury when the Miami Heat inexplicably awarded him more than $40 million based on less than one successful season of play.

What has truly frustrated Heat fans isn’t Waiters’ absence; it’s that he’s looked out of shape and out of touch ever since he got paid. Waiters is quite obviously not part of the Miami Heat’s future or present. Well, he is part of the present — a bad part, a part taking up a lot of salary cap room and offering nothing of value.

Meet Your Five Miami Sports Turkeys of the Year

Photo by George Martinez

5. The Miami Dolphins. Yup, the entire team. The Dolphins are a bore, a club that continues to find excuses and that hasn’t delivered more than a moment of happiness to its fan base since the mid-’90s. To be blunt, the Dolphins are an embarrassment and we’re growing sick of their reruns.

Coach Adam Gase is somehow using the same alibis Joe Philbin did a decade ago — injuries and Ryan Tannehill. Or a combination of both. They make the Dolphins less than they should be — or so says this coach. Excuses, excuses.

Even as the Dolphins sit tied for the last playoff spot in the AFC right now, everyone is very aware they’re a team waiting to be put out of its misery once again. Another season lost. Another year of our lives lost. Another rebuild of a refurbishment is on the way. 

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