The Dolphins left last week’s loss to the Detroit Lions hurting. Ryan Tannehill was throwing a Nerf ball around in practice this week. The offensive line is a mess. Kenny Stills injured his groin and is likely out for a while. Albert Wilson messed up his hip in the game and is out for the year. Oh, and the loss meant the Dolphins had officially managed to piss away their promising 3-0 start, turning their first seven games, instead, into a very Dolphins 4-3.
Luckily, they got what every team licking its wounds needs to pick itself off the ground: a Thursday Night road game against a team that features a high-flying passing attack, an electrifying mobile quarterback, and one of the best defensive lines in the league. If the Dolphins could pull off the upset, though, they’d somehow find themselves at 5-3 at the midway point of the season, in the driver’s seat for a playoff seed in the AFC.
Spoiler alert: They did not. Everything pretty much went exactly as you would have expected.
A quick 7-0 start quickly went south for the Dolphins, turning into a 21-10 deficit following the Texans’ first drive of the second half. While the Dolphins offense eventually awakened and had some moments in the second half, putrid defense shut the door on any thoughts of a comeback.
Final score: Texans 42, Dolphins 23. Dolphins 4-4, but we’ll always have 3-0 in the rearview mirror.
There was some positive news, though — something super-freaking-weird happened in the game and it was good for the Dolphins! Fun! We’d try to set up what you’re about to see, but it’s best that you take it all in yourself.
Yeah, not worth any points! That’s OK, though, because it was entertaining, And after being forced to watch the pathetic Dolphins until past midnight on Thursday, it’s the little things that get us through this Friday.
Parker came into the game looking for some revenge, but not on the other team. That would be too normal. The former first-round pick was eager to prove to his own team they’d made a mistake not playing him until this game, when two wideouts are injured. Parker played his ass off, and the Dolphins have a bit of egg on their faces.
Mercifully, the Dolphins now get a bye week. Next time we see them, they’ll take on the New York Jets November 4 at Hard Rock Stadium. Enjoy these next two Sundays without Miami Dolphins football. You’ve earned it.